Epic Interviews! with Jeremy featuring Holly Kirpachi

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Jeremy:  It’s Tuesday which means it’s time for another Epic Interview!  Today in the Gamer Cave is the one and only Holly “Bang-Bang” Kirpachi.  I’d love to know what that nickname is all about, if you don’t mind spinning a tale…

Holly:  The price of joining the girl gang known as the Blackeyes was that I took a pistol into Finsbury Park mosque and blast away a bunch of men who were abusing girls.  Fortunately for them I was only 12 and a crap shot.  I missed them all but got the ceiling.  Afterwards, I skipped town and went to Japan.

Jeremy:  That’s an epic story (fitting) for sure!  Why did you go to Japan?

Holly:  That’s where the burlesque troupe I’d joined ended up.  It also collapsed there in acrimony as the head showgirl did a bunk with the money and left me there.  Turned out not to be a drama as I had work experience at Ford of UK and knew some of the Mazda guys.  One of them was daft enough to give me his card and said ‘if you’re ever in Japan…’

Jeremy:  From showgirl to car mechanic, that must’ve been a lot of guys dream…

Holly:  Probably the other way around, but yeah.  Mucky stripping, haha.  Japan is also where I got all my Yakuza tattoos.

Jeremy:  I was going to say you didn’t work at Mazda very long did you?

Holly:  I didn’t end up working for them at all.  Sat in one meeting as ‘English work experience girl-san’ and one night of karaoke.  Then I had to go sort out the Mazda guy’s son for him.  Turns out he fell in with the Yakuza and street racers.  Fun times that was!

Jeremy:  Did you get mixed up with them?

Holly:  Ahh the Yakuza… ::dramatic pause::  I tried to set the son straight but the street racing was more exciting.  Then I got called in by the son of the local boss to do some Python programming for him.  Made a nice 10K for that job and I could go back home.

Jeremy:  Is that like hacking?

Holly:  What you Americans call hacking, we call it D.D.A. – Digital Direct Action!

Jeremy:  So what are you up to these days in this exciting life you live?

Holly:  I’m bringing up Maya and working with the other half’s mob on various troubleshoots and investigations.  I’m also in the army reserve.

Jeremy:  Investigating anything cool?

Holly:  We’re currently looking into people trafficking rings  and I’m trying to write a report on the regimental system for the SDSR.

Jeremy:  And Maya is your adopted daughter, right?

Holly:  Yep, Maya is our adopted daughter.  We found her in a crack den under a dead dog.  Rather heartwarming, don’t you think?

Jeremy:  Heartwarming is in the eye of the beholder!

Holly:  Can’t remember if I killed the dog or it was the anti-tank grenades we threw in.  Welcome to my world!

Jeremy:  We’ve learned a bit about you and your daughter.  Care to share anything about your significant other?

Holly:  Oh Riz, Rizbhaiiii, or even Rizwan baybe as I can him, just to annoy him.  He’s an East London rudeboy and car thief who get swept up into al-Qaeda when he was younger, got banged up in prison, , and came to see he was on the wrong path.  And then he got made an offer he couldn’t refuse by the M.O.D. So now he works for them using his degree in counter-terrorism.  He’s still a dipstick though.

Jeremy:  How did you two come together?

Holly:  We were arranged to be married by our families at an early age and now we are.

Jeremy:  I’m guessing you’re the brains of the operation?

Holly:  What do you think?  ::wink::  Here let me show you a picture!  It’s actually the whole gang!

team pic

Jeremy:  Who all is in the gang?

Holly:  From left to right we have Toots, Riz’s boss’s PA, Fuzz Shaheen, our pilot, then me, Riz, Lady Calamity, and finally Mishy.

Jeremy:  That’s quite the group!  I expect you guys have all sorts of stories to tell!

Holly:  God yeah.  If you ever get the chance, ask them about the inflatable rocket powered duck or the time me and Calamity dressed up as pandas.  Actually on second thought, don’t.

Jeremy:  I think on that particular note, we’ll leave those stories to the imagination of everyone!

Holly:  Yes that’s for the best.

Jeremy:  Any final words for everyone tuning in?

Holly:  Dean Martin rules!  Thanks for the lovely interview!

**Want to know more about Holly?  Check out:


And drop by http://www.amazon.com/Charlie-Flowers/e/B008UQZPFG/ to grab your own copy!

**Special thanks to Charlie Flowers for bringing Holly to Epic interviews today as well.


You can find all my published work at http://www.amazon.com.author/jeremycroston!


About Jeremy Croston

I'm a comic loving, soccer playing, devoted husband who has a writing addiction. I can be found at Orlando Solar Bear hockey games, at the local sports bar cheering on my teams from Philly (go Flyers!), and being led astray by my schnauzer, JJ. Check out my Amazon page at www.amazon.com/author/jeremycroston to see my collections. Feel free to friend me on Facebook too at www.facebook.com/jcroston2 (there is another one of me out there apparently). Outside of writing, I work in business development and am considered an expert in all things Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Thanks for stopping by and looking forward to talking to you soon!
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